Elegy

You will not appear in obituaries:
cells and the universe colliding,
contracting into an embryo, a whole
half with me since before I was born.
But they said this body could not keep you safe,
so I carved your name into my bones,
swallowed a pill that made a grave of my womb.
Motherhood is earned in shades of red.
There are days I wish I could have loved you less.